I have a hard time surrendering to going to bed at night. I always feel like I'm going to miss out on something fun.
In the spiritual world, people are always playing and having fun. We are originally from the spiritual world, so that is what we're used to. We are used to an atmosphere where everyone is joyful, joking, playing and having fun all the time. So it's natural for us to expect happiness and joy around every corner. It is natural that we feel anxious to return to that place where we used to always have fun at every moment.
Tonight I am praying, "My Dear Lord Krishna, You are the most fun Person and I am Your eternal servant. I am meant for giving You pleasure and by giving You pleasure, I feel pleasure. My Dear Lord, if You so desire, please allow me to experience the pleasure of always giving You pleasure."
When we pray to return to our natural engagement of rendering loving service to Krishna, Krishna hears our prayer, and He arranges for us to be engaged in various kinds of service for His pleasure. By pleasing Krishna, we become happy.
Tomorrow is the appearance day of Srimati Radharani, the Supreme Goddess who is eternally engaged in the most pleasing pastimes with Sri Krishna. We can pray to Srimati Radharani to involve us in those loving pastimes. She can show us how to please Krishna and thereby become pleased ourselves.
"My Dear Srimati Radharani, if you so desire, please engage me in some pleasing service to Lord Sri Krishna. I hope in this way He will become pleased, and you will also become pleased. By pleasing Lord Krishna and you, I will experience the bliss that is natural to me."
To be eternally playful is our natural propensity, an important feature of our eternal relationship with and service to Krishna. So it's to be expected that we want to play all the time. But while we're here in the material world, we have to practice regulation and adherence to duty in order to learn how to transcend material proclivities and desires. Upon achieving freedom from identification with the body--the bodily concept of life--and giving up all material inclinations and hankerings, we will come to the level of pure goodness. At that point, life becomes full of joy, and we experience the natural affection for Krishna that is native to our heart.
So I'm telling myself tonight, Go to bed. Leave your desires to stay up and have fun in the care of Srimati Radharani and Lord Sri Krishna. They are the original authors of all fun activities. When you become regulated in your duties, performing your work for their pleasure, you will eventually become purified so that you can resume your eternal duties in the spiritual world--as an assistant to the Lord and His eternal consort Srimati Radharani in their pastimes of eternal play. Till then, take rest.
