Krishna's Plan vs My Plan

"Not my will, but Thy will, O Lord, be done." ~Lord Jesus Christ

On Tuesday, July 11, 2017, my friend Aparabhakti took me to the Shimoga Diagnostic Center for a scan. I had been experiencing pain off and on since I had had hernia surgery in May of 2014. So I finally got it together to go have a look at what was happening inside my abdomen.

The radiologist reported that I had a recurring right inguinal hernia and that the opening was small, which is not good. Purportedly, hernias with small openings can be more painful, and they can also be more prone to strangulation. So Appu and I decided to show the report to my gynaecologist, since we were heading over to her office anyway after our visit to the radiologist.

We exchanged the usual jokes and laughter with Dr Geetha and her partner Dr Amita. We showed them the report from Shimoga Diagnistics. Dr Geetha got serious. She flatly said to me, "I will not even examine you until you take care of this hernia." When Dr Geetha talks like that, she means business. She referred me to the head surgeon at Aster CMI Hospital in Bangalore. "Dr Shivaram is a good friend of Dr Ravi (Geetha's husband) and he is expert at laparoscopic surgery (which is the only kind I would consider)." She offered to have her husband call Dr Shivaram that night.

Appu and I said good-bye to the girls and went back to her house to see my husband. He grinned his characteristic happy grin and immediately wanted to know how the two appointments went. I explained that I did have a hernia, that it was small (1.1 cm) and that it could be prone to strangulation. I also told him that Geetha wouldn't even see me until I agreed to take care of repairing my hernia. His smile quickly turned into a look of concern.

In the past, both my husband and my bestie had asked me to remain open to the idea of surgery, although for years I had avoided it because of how painful my previous post-op recovery period had been. I also felt discouraged and apprehensive because another hernia had appeared soon after the first surgery. I didn't want to perpetuate a vicious cycle by undergoing another surgery and then having yet another hernia appear. Nonetheless, despite my fears, I decided that I would go for Dr Geetha's suggestion and agree to my hernia being surgically repaired. My husband was surprised to hear how I had changed my mind, but I somehow felt that it was Krishna's plan, and I was okay with it. So we moved ahead with a strategy to get me over to Bangalore asap.

Geetha's husband Dr Ravi was not able to call Dr Shivaram that night, so we waited. The next day, my husband, who is not a guy to sit around and wait for other people to get stuff done, asked Appu to call Dr Shivaram, since she's a doctor and she may have some influence to put us in front of the doctor. She agreed, and got us an appointment for a consultation on Monday morning 9:30 am. We then called the train station and found out what trains were available to get us to Bangalore by Sunday night.

A little while later, Dr Geetha called. "If you guys are able to get yourselves over to Aster CMI Hospital before 11 am Friday, the doctor will see you earlier than Monday." We got back on the phone and found an overnight train that could get us to Bangalore by 6 am Friday. We grabbed a couple of tickets and prayed that all would go smoothly. We called our friend Jaya Vraja, who is an angel on earth, and asked if we could use her home as a base when we were not at the hospital. She lovingly agreed.

Aparabhakti and I stayed up late that night talking on her porch swing as is our usual pastime, because this would be our last chance for a while. We finally hit the sack around 1:30 am. The next day was casual because we already had our strategy worked out. My husband and I planned to stay at the hospital for only a short time, but I had nonetheless packed a small amount of clothing along with my toiletries, just in case I was admitted immediately. We kept the rest of our luggage separate to be taken to Jaya Vraja's house. Aparabhakti, her husband Dr Shashikumar, and our friend Sandeep dropped us off at the train station at 10:00 pm. We were pretty tired, so we said our good-byes to the devotees and made our beds. Ours was a three-tier AC compartment, and the tracks between Shimoga and Bangalore Central are pretty smooth, so we had a good sleep. We woke up refreshed at 5 am, brushed our teeth, and got ready to alight.

Jaya Vraja's son Adinarayan was there to meet us right on time. We gave him our luggage, which he took home to his Mom's house, and we headed over to the hospital in an auto riksha with my overnight bag and toothbrush. We got there at 9:00 am, in plenty of time to sign in for a consultation. In fact, we were second in line to see the doctor!

Meeting Dr Shivaram was like meeting an old friend. We immediately took a liking to him, and he to us. He was kind and respectful, taking time to listen to my story and look over the report we had brought from the radiologist. He asked us to get a CT scan and come back to see him with the results.

The CT Scan showed a bigger hernia than we had seen with the sonogram scan in Shimoga. He agreed to do surgery Tuesday morning, as long as I was fit for surgery. That would be determined by the cardiologist Dr Sanjay Bhat. We consulted with Dr Bhat and he asked us to come do the tests on Monday at noon. We made a note of the time we had to be back for my cardiology tests, and left the hospital. We had spent the entire day there, so we were tired but we felt accomplished.

The next day, Saturday, Jaya Vraja held a home program for her local Bhakti-Vriksha group. We were delighted to participate. My husband led melodious kirtan for an hour, then I spoke. I had planned my talk previously, but once I got started, the class turned out to be more spontaneous, and not at all what I had planned. My husband and I love coming to Jaya Vraja's home programs. The devotees who attend are so serious and sincere, they inspire us to do better in our own Krishna consciousness.

Sunday evening, we attended Hari-ksetra Prabhu's Sunday program at his preaching center in the Marathahalli area of East Bangalore. It took an hour to get there, so I was grateful for the japa time. The program was blissful, including uproarious kirtan, a thought-provoking talk given by my husband, a Janmastami fund-raiser, and a delicious feast prepared by the devotees. Our friends Jaya Vraja and Supriya Radhika had come with us. We were happy to see our old friends Hari-ksetra, Tilak Prabhu and his good wife Ayushi, and many other familiar faces. One very kind devotee had picked us up and brought us to the preaching center, and another very kind devotee drove us all the way back to Jayanagar, where Supriya and Jaya Vraja both reside. We got to bed right away, as Monday was going to be a full day for my husband and me.

We arrived at the hospital around 10 am. We had called Dr Shivaram on the way to let him know we were coming. We reported to Cardiac Sciences OPD for tests at noon. After a preliminary BP test and weight-check, Dr Bhat's team put me through an ECG, an ECHO test and a TMT (treadmill test--Wow! THAT was a WORKOUT!). I passed the tests with flying colors and was deemed fit for surgery.

By 4:00 pm, we were finished with cardiology and ready for admission. We checked into the hospital. The place was super crowded, so we had to wait until after midnight to get a bed in the general ward. In the meantime, we got a bed in a temporary transition ward and my husband made a "bed" on the floor with a sheet he had brought. At midnight, a nurse came and woke us up. "Shifting" was all she whispered, and we were up with lights on and baggage ready.

We were led upstairs to the 1st Floor to what's called "General Ward Female." They brought a cot for my husband. We settled into our new surroundings, only to find that our sleep was disturbed every few seconds by a beeping monitor on the other side of the curtain that separated our bed from another patient who was being carefully monitored by the nurses. Not only that, there was a baby girl who had just had surgery and she was crying almost constantly. So my husband did not sleep the entire night.

Tuesday, we were ready early for surgery, as we had been advised the night before that it looked like I would be able to be operated on as early as 8:00 am, three hours earlier than the previously planned 11:00 am time. At 8:40, I was wheeled into a room outside the operating theatre. I waited there for what seemed like at least an hour (I had removed all my jewelry, including my watch, and there was no clock visible, so I am guessing about the time) until finally a couple of nurses came to wheel me into the theatre. I was transferred to the operating table, which was warmed underneath (very comfy!) and was administered general anesthesia by Dr Jamana, a lovely young lady with a bright countenance and friendly bedside manner. I quickly drifted off into a deep slumber.

I woke to find myself in the recovery room. My dear husband was next to my side, holding my hand. He explained that the doctor had found two hernias and that the surgery had gone well, and that it had taken about two hours from start to finish. After a short visit, he was told he could not stay, so he squeezed my hand and left.

I soon realized I was next to another woman who had also just undergone surgery. We were separated by a curtain, but I could hear her groaning and moaning and making quite a fuss about her pain. I was also in pain, but I was silent. I expected someone to come check on me and see how I was doing as the anesthesia was wearing off quickly and the pain was becoming more and more intense, but no one came. Everyone was tending to the lady next to me, as she was very vocal about her pain. Nurses were running back and forth but they never stopped to check on me. I finally decided to speak up and ask for some attention. I called out to a nurse who was running by. When she came to my bedside, I couldn't hold back the tears. I started to cry like a little child. She said, "Oh, please don't cry, we are all here!" I blubbered, "Yeah, but no one is checking on me. I am feeling very lonely and neglected. My pain is increasing and my mouth is dry and I would really like a sip of water." She gave me some little sips and stroked my head. That's all I needed, along with a good shot of morphine. Just a little TLC, and I was okay after that.

Finally, I was wheeled out of the recovery room after being hoisted onto a gurney. Ouch! That hurt. I was happy to see my husband waiting outside the double doors. He walked alongside me as my gurney rolled along the corridors. When we reached the ladies' ward, my husband said, "I have a surprise for you. I got us a bed far away from that beeping monitor!" I was relieved. They transferred me to the bed in a more gentle manner (again, relief!) and after a few more sips of water, I drifted off to sleep. He also settled down on his cot, and we were able to sleep for a while until the little child near us started to cry again. We were able to sleep only when she slept, and she seldom slept.

Dr Shivaram came to see me and explained, just as my husband had, that he had found two hernias and had repaired them both with mesh. He showed me photos of the two hernias, before and after the surgery. I was amazed that he had been able to perform such a delicate operation by using a tiny camera and remote instruments, inserted through three tiny holes in my abdomen. Laparoscopic surgery is truly a remarkable procedure.

The doctor agreed that I could go home on Wednesday. He told us to come back for a check-up the following Tuesday, and gave me some restrictions--no traveling, no lifting, and no playing harmonium while sitting cross-legged on the floor for two months. In fact, no sitting cross-legged period for two months. The physician's assistant, Dr Shafeek, also advised me to move slowly and carefully. "No fast moves!" he emphasized. My diet for the week following surgery until I would see the doctor again should be soft foods that are easy to digest. Nandini, an expert on pain management, advised me to do pranayama frequently to aid my body in assimilating oxygen which would help me to heal faster.

We checked out Wednesday at 4:00 pm and drove back to Jaya Vraja's house. I reclined in the back seat of Jaya Vraja's car with my head resting on my husband's lap the whole way home. Jaya Vraja had prepared a delicious hot soup and hot herbal tea which we relished before taking rest. We planned to return to Shimoga on Friday to recover further and to finish up business with Dr Geeta.

Sometimes we may have our own ideas and plans for how to address health issues, and sometimes Krishna has His own plans. This time, it seemed obvious to me that Krishna had a different plan from mine (mine had been to pursue alternative methods of healing my hernia, His was for me to go for surgery), so after three years of trying out my plan, I finally went along with His plan. The result was a smooth, easy, non-invasive surgery with minimal pain, sweet new relationships with many souls who work at the Aster CMI Hospital in Bangalore, a chance for me to be spoiled with even more loving, tender care than usual by my dear husband, and an unexpected and delightful lengthening of our visits with our dear devotee friends in Shimoga and Bangalore.

Post-op Report:

After one week, we went back to see Dr Shivaram to have my stitches removed and a fresh dressing applied. The doctor is pleased with my progress--little to no pain and everything is healing nicely, by Krishna's grace.